Started Early Took My Dog by Kate Atkinson read by Graeme Malcolm

Jackson slugs a bully and saves a small dog. Hence Jackson, ex military man, ex husband (twice), having been familiar with violence his whole life has now finally found a good use for it. Now on the other side of the law, but otherwise non-localizable: “when he stayed at a hotel, he knew who he was. A guest.”

Tracy is big, post-menopausal, plain, and so indistinct that qualifiers float over the surface of her identity, like flat swabs of paint on a blank canvas.

At school Tracy had always been wary of the domestic science crowd – methodical girls with neat handwriting and neither flaws nor eccentricities. For some reason they were usually good at netball as well, as if the gene that enabled them to jump for the hoop contained the information necessary for turning out a cheese-and-onion flan or creaming a Victoria sponge-sandwich mix.

After she pays $3000 for a small child being dragged around by a street-mother, Tracy buys the kid cotton clothes and uses thought to re-organize her life from the point of view of a small girl.

Two characters in an England out of time, make a decision that makes no sense, and thereby changes the sense of life and everything in it. Two characters that grip us by the throat, and leave us breathless, waiting for the real inside the fiction.

Hard Boiled

Some Hard-Boiled Characters of 20th C
(by the Members of Rara-Avis, compliled by Joe Dante and Mark Blumenthal, 2002)
(numerical order does not denote value)

Philip Marlowe (from the series by Raymond Chandler)
Sam Spade (from the novel, The Maltese Falcon, by Dashiell Hammett)
3. The Continental Op (from the series by Dashiell Hammett)
4. Lew Archer (from the series by Ross Macdonald)
5. Matt Scudder (from the series by Lawrence Block)
6. Parker (from the series by Richard Stark)
7. Travis McGee (from the series by John D. MacDonald)
8. Easy Rawlins (from the series by Walter Mosley)
9. Harry aka Hieronymus Bosch (from the series by Michael Connelly)
10. Hoke Moseley (from the series by Charles Willeford)
11. Lou Ford (from the novels The Killer Inside Me and Wild Town by Jim Thompson)
12. Mike Hammer (from the series by Mickey Spillane)
13. Matt Helm (from the series by Donald Hamilton)
14. Dave Robicheaux (from the series by James Lee Burke)
15. Nick Stefanos (from the series by George Pelecanos)
14. Grave Digger Jones and Coffin Ed Johnson (from the series by Chester Himes)
14. C.W. Sughrue (from the series by James Crumley)
14. Hap Collins & Leonard Pine (from the series by Joe R. Lansdale)
14. Nameless (from the series by Bill Pronzini)
14. John Rebus (from the series by Ian Rankin)
14. Mouse (from the Easy Rawlins series by Walter Mosley)
22. Spenser (from the series by Robert B. Parker)
23. Eddie Coyle (from the novel, The Friends of Eddie Coyle, by George V. Higgins)
24. Brigid O’Shaughnessy (from the novel, The Maltese Falcon, by Dashiell Hammett)
25. V.I. Warshawski (from the series by Sara Paretsky)
26. Dudley Smith (from the novels by James Ellroy)
26. Paul Pine (from the series by Howard Browne)
26. Dimitri Karras (from the series by George Pelecanos)
26. Arkady Renko (from the series by Martin Cruz Smith)
30. Hanson (from the novels by Kent Anderson)
30. Burke (from the series by Andrew Vachss)
31. Ned Beaumont (from the novel, The Glass Key, by Dashiell Hammett)
32. Artie Wu & Quincy Durant (from the series by Ross Thomas)
33. Tom Ripley (from the series by Patricia Highsmith)
34. Hawk (from the Spenser series by Robert B. Parker)
35. Amos Walker (from the series by Loren D. Estleman)
36. Kinsey Millhone (from the series by Sue Grafton)
37. Steve Carella (from the 87th Precinct series by Ed McBain)
38. George Smiley (from the series by John Le Carre)
39. James Bond (from the series by Ian Fleming)
40. Jack Reacher (from the series by Lee Child)
41. Earl Drake (from The Operation series by Dan J. Marlowe)
42. Bill Crane (from the series by Jonathan Latimer)
43. Keller (from the Hit Man series by Lawrence Block)
44. Frank Chambers (from the novel, The Postman Always Rings Twice, by James M. Cain)
45. Frederick J. Frenger Jr. (from the novel, Miami Blues, by Charles Willeford)
46. Dan Kearney (from the DKA series by Joe Gores)
47. Hannibal Lecter (from the series by Thomas Harris)
48. Batman (from the comics/novels series by various authors)
49. Chili Palmer (from the novels Get Shorty and Be Cool by Elmore Leonard)
50. Martin Beck (from the series by Maj Sjowall and Per Wahloo)
51. Lucas Davenport (from the series by John Sandford)
52. Doc McCoy (from the novel, The Getaway, by Jim Thompson)
53. Peter Bondurant (from the trilogy by James Ellroy)
54. Harry Lime (from the novel, The Third Man, by Graham Greene)
55. Buzz Meeks (from the novel, The Big Nowhere, by James Ellroy)
56. Dan Turner (from the series by Robert Leslie Bellem)
57. Milo Milodragovitch (from the series by James Crumley)
58. Lew Griffin (from the series by James Sallis)
59. Mario Balzic (from the series by K.C. Constantine)
60. Charlie Resnick (from the series by John Harvey)
61. Jack Carter (from the series by Ted Lewis)
62. Clete Purcell (from the Dave Robicheaux series by James Lee Burke)
63. Max Latin (from the short stories by Norbert Davis)
64. Lloyd Hopkins (from the series by James Ellroy)
65. Joe Friday (from the Dragnet series by various authors)
66. Shell Scott (from the series by Richard S. Prather)
67. Nate Heller (from the series by Max Allan Collins)
68. Nick Corey (from the novel, Pop. 1280, by Jim Thompson)
69. Nick and Nora Charles (from the novel, The Thin Man, by Dashiell Hammett)
70. Marcus Clay (from the series by George Pelecanos)
71. Socrates Fortlow (from the series by Walter Mosley)
72. Richard Bone (from the novel, Cutter and Bone, by Newton Thornburg)
73. Detective Sergeant Department of Unexplained Deaths (from the Factory series by Derek Raymond)
74. Elvis Cole (from the series by Robert Crais)
75. Walter Huff (from the novel, Double Indemnity, by James M Cain)
76. James Figueras (from the novel, The Burnt Orange Heresy, by Charles Willeford)
77. Casper Gutman (from the novel, The Maltese Falcon, by Dashiell Hammett)
78. Mike Shayne (from the series by Brett Halliday)
79. Frank Clemons (from the trilogy by Thomas Cook)
80. Sharon McCone (from the series by Marcia Muller)
81. Race Williams/Three Gun Mack (from the series by Carroll John Daly)
82. John Shaft (from the series by Ernest Tidyman)
83. David Brandstetter (from the series by Joseph Hansen)
84 Jack Liffey (from the series by John Shannon)
85. Perry Mason (from the series by Erle Stanley Gardner)
86. Bernie Gunther (from the Berlin Trilogy by Philip Kerr)
87. Joe Gall (from the series by Philip Atlee)
88. Jonathan Hemlock (from the from the novels The Eiger Sanction and The Loo Sanction by Trevanian)
89. Kells (from the novel, Fast One, by Paul Cain)
90. Joe Pike (from the Elvis Cole series by Robert Crais)
91. Fast Eddie Felson (from the novels The Hustler and The Color of Money, by Walter Tevis)
92. Bob Lee Swagger (from the series by Steven Hunter)
93. Cora Papadakis (from the novel, The Postman Always Rings Twice, by James M. Cain)
94. Roy Dillon (from the novel, The Grifters, by Jim Thompson)
95. Eva Wylie (from the from the series by Liza Cody)
96. Ed and Am Hunter (from the series by Fredric Brown)
97. Skink a.k.a. The Governor (from the a recurring character in the novels by Carl Hiassen)
98. Derek Strange (from the series by George Pelecanos)
99. Lionel Essrog (from the novel, Motherless Brooklyn, by Jonathan Lethem)
100. Charlie Arglist (from the novel, The Ice Harvest, by Scott Phillips)
101. Richard Hudson (from the novel, The Woman Chaser, by Charles Willeford)
102. Ernest Stickney (from the novels Stick and Swag by Elmore Leonard)
103. John Marshall Tanner (from the series by Stephen Greenleaf)
104. Doc Ford (from the series by Randy Wayne White)
105. Jay Gatsby (from the novel, The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald)
106. Dick Tracy (from the newspaper strip by Chester Gould)
107. Mick Ballou (from the Matt Scudder series by Lawrence Block)
108. Quiller (from the series by Adam Hall)
109. Deputy Detective Carl Houseman (from the series by Donald Harstad)
110. Maigret (from the series by Georges Simenon)
The 21 runner-ups
(Joe Gar almost made it):

Doan and Carstairs (from the novels and short stories by Norbert Davis)
Alexander Cutter (from the novel, Cutter and Bone, by Newton Thornburg)
Patrick Kenzie (from the series by Dennis Lehane)
Harry Stoner (from the series by Jonathan Valin)
Satan Hall (from the series by Carroll John Daly)
Jane Whitefield (from the series by Thomas Perry)
Will Graham (from the novel, Red Dragon, by Thomas Harris)
Abraham Trahearne (from the novel, The Last Good Kiss, by James Crumley)
Dave “The Enforcer” Klein (from the novel, White Jazz, by James Ellroy)
Repairman Jack (from the series by F. Paul Wilson)
Fang Mulheisen (from the series by Jon A. Jackson)
Thorn (from the series by James W. Hall)
Neal Fargo (from the novel, Interface, plus short stories by Joe Gores)
Dan Fortune (from the series by Michael Collins)
Max Cady (from the novel, The Executioners, by John D. MacDonald)
John Francis Cuddy (from the series by Jeremiah Healy)
Mike Dolan (from the novel, No Pockets In a Shroud, by Horace McCoy)
Jo Gar (from the short stories by Raoul Whitfield)
Maximum Bob Gibbs (from the novel, Maximum Bob, by Elmore Leonard)
Bernie Ohls (from the novel, The Big Sleep, by Raymond Chandler)
Carmen Sternwood (from the novel, The Big Sleep, by Raymond Chandler)

Thanks to Joe Dante and Mark Blumenthal and, as always, William Denton, who manages the Rara-Avis list.

Blindman’s Bluff by Faye Kellerman read by Mitch Greenburg

A few Jewish words referring to a few ritual baked goods eaten by a few Jews does not a Jewish novel make. Nor does a description of a modestly clad woman with her hair tied back by a long scarf. If the Peter Decker novels wielded some specific charm by virtue of their glimpse into orthodox Jewish life, that charm is gone. Gone too is the charm of an utterly believable relationship of utterly believable characters: husband and wife Peter and Rina. Instead we have an infinitely patient, infinitely wise, infinitely understanding wife who agrees with her husband agreeably, and a pouty teenaged daughter that contributes nothing to the conversation or the scenery but red hair. A police procedural on Prozac.

I Remember Nothing by Nora Ephron read by Nora Ephron

Although I didn’t see her face, I knew that the woman in the coloring chair was beautiful. It wasn’t just because she had long, lush, gorgeous hair, but because she was tearing out a page of WWD, where she had eyed another beautiful woman with long hair. And beautiful women look at beautiful women.

“Can I see?” I asked. And then she turned in the chair and I saw a Vogue model, circa 1976, sans huge hat and cigarette holder. But she was still beautiful, sitting there having her hair colored and pointing to the woman in the ad with the big sunglasses and the thick brown hair, saying: “that’s not Jackie Kennedy but it looks like Jackie Kennedy. I’ve always loved that look.”

And then she told me that not only was Jackie Kennedy beautiful but she was a nice person. She knew this because she sat across from Jackie Kennedy’s chair at Kenneth’s in the city, which is where Jackie had her hair done when Jackie had her hair done. The beautiful woman in the coloring chair had worked for Glamour and Vogue for 25 years, and if we were still in NYC and one of us had been Nora Ephron then one of us might have discovered that her husband was having an affair…. But we neither of us were Nora, and this was not NY, and Jackie was dead.

Nora Ephron is writing about just this generation of women, who lived and worked and counted in NYC, and who are now oldish, or dead. Nora Ephron is not dead. But she is forgetting things, and what she remembers is not obvious. She remembers going to an anti-Vietnam protest but not getting to it because she spent the weekend in the hotel room having sex, she remembers trying to find the New York Post building, and getting lost on the George Washington Bridge, and not deciding to get a divorce, and not going to the front during the 1973 war in Israel, and not knowing anything, and believing in print. She remembers consciousness-raising meetings in the 60s and 70s with women who took themselves much too seriously, and she remembers writing scripts that she thought were funny that weren’t funny enough.

Whom Not To Marry by Father Pat Connor Read by Robin Sachs

Friendly, low-key, perspicacious suggestions on how to think about a marriage, how to prepare for it, and how to judge a potential marriage partner. Humorous anecdotes drive home the way to work your beliefs into your relationships. A mother who believes in original sin knows that every human being is fundamentally flawed so she doesn’t expect rational behavior from her husband, her children or her houseguests:

I allow my husband two moments of insanity per day, I allow each of my children three moments of insanity per day, and I’ve been allowing you four.

First Impressions by Jude Devereaux read by Cynthia Darlow

Cynthia Darlow always lends coziness and warmth to stories about Southern life, Southern manners, and Southern towns. Like many, this story begins with an inheritance: the old Farrington mansion along with its papers, pictures, and privy things. This time, the heir is a 45 year old single mother and editor, who was once sheltered and loved by Mrs Farrington, the grande dame of Arundel, North Carolina.

When Eden returns to this very small, very traditional Southern town she finds herself courted by a local lawyer, a wily FBI agent, and a killer.

She also finds herself.

Fly Away Home by Jennifer Weiner read by Judith Light

Ever since Tracy Ullmann quipped that being in your early 50s was a wonderful time for most actresses, I’ve been watching for a script. Here it is. The next Meryl Streep movie: what better role for an over 50 actress than that of a politician’s wife? That’s right, one of those sad middle aged overcoiffed women whose husbands have been caught checking out of a hotel room with women half their age, or soliciting men in some public restroom, or writing love letters to someone in Argentina, or paying callgirls in the surburbs of D.C.

How fun to imagine Meryl Streep, a little prim and proper and overweight but well suited, with grown daughters and a chauffeur and  6 months worth of booked  charity functions, standing in front of a public telly when the cameras unroll footage of her husband with his perky red headed tart .

Or Meryl Streep hysterical at the supermarket in Connecticut, after the separation, grabbing chocolate chips and coconut flakes, Crisco, corn syrup, sugar and rib roast and fat sweet potatoes and cheese puffs and real Coca Cola, answering the unasked questions of another shopper who is staring at her:

“Yes, that’s right I am…I’m Sylvie Woodruff, Richard Woodruff’s wife, and no, I didn’t know he was sleeping with that girl, and no, I haven’t decided if I’m divorcing him yet, and in case you were wondering we still had what I consider to be a perfectly acceptable sex life, and we loved each other… we have two beautiful girls…I guess what I have to figure out is can I ever forgive him? …”

And Meryl Streep, with a script by Nora Ephron, will pull it off and make Sylvie pretty and cozy and just confused enough to be lovable, and just rich enough to start all over again in a huge house in Connecticut, with no particular financial constraints, washing what needs to be washed, cooking what needs to be cooked, loving what needs to be loved.

I Still Dream About You by Fannie Flagg read by Fannie Flagg

A sweet, adorable, clever story about a beautiful and beautifully mannered ex Miss Alabama who has decided to jump in the river. Maggie has made a list of pros and cons and the pros have won out. For months, Maggie makes preparations for the day. She has donated all her clothes and jewelry to the local theatre, arranged to have flowers delivered to the graves of her parents for the next 25 years, written a letter  to her  cleaning lady with $500 and her gold watch, closed her bank account and given away the money to charities, cleaned and shined her leased car and her rented  apartment, and left her old tiara and baton to an old friend of her mothers who worked at the local department store and always called her up when there were sales. But in the cab on the way to the river where she’s hidden away weights and a raft, she is  commissioned to sell her favorite house in the world, Crestview. For the sake of the beautiful old house, and for the sake of the small happy firm to which she is devoted, Maggie feels she must put off the big day. She comes back home, whites out the date on the ‘To Whom It May Concern Letter’ she has left in her kitchen, and gets to work.